Pakistani Weddings: The Dholki and Mayoon

“Abdullah, all this talk about weddings and traditions, you must be getting yourself to get married soon”

That is what every older female (i.e. mom or auntie) will think when they read these posts… u r calling upon yourself all the forces of marriage man…

Haha ;P Bring on the aunties Though I don't think Aunties read my blog. If they did, I'd have already been attacked for the comparisons with vultures ;P

Just quickly, and I will be back!

The walima is culturally recommended not Islamically required. The nikkah is the legal marriage, the walima the social recognition of it and “required” for society, moms, aunties, extended family, friends, the employment of videographers, etc.

You are free to disagree with me on this, but be forewarned that I know this well because of my own situation, I know the marriage and legal recognition laws in many countries, Muslim and non, and I have had this argument at length on another Saudi-themed blog. Also, having recently, on a different blog, essentially been called “une salope blanche“, you do so at your peril! X( LOL:) You are of course the Pakistani-Saudi marriage expert, however.

Secondly–I understand why the photo of the little girl under the title, but given the hullabaloo about Muslims and child brides you might want to rethink that or label it in GIANT LETTERS as not a bride!

Great topic and post, and I look forward to reading and commenting more in depth (lucky you ) ! LOL

I suspect that you may be right on that the Walima is recommended and not required. It might just've been the case that looking at it as an insider and seeing it as a something practiced in all muslim cultures I saw it as a requirement Also, I dare not disagree with you Chiara ;P

I seriously do hope people don't think that. Honestly didn't cross my mind either. Will just change the thumbnail then

PHOTOS xD you make me happy, boy. and i'll be even happier of you show me more (feel free to add a “that's what she said”)

About yellow, it's a colour that suits a cafe latte complexion, it's not a colour a gora can easily wear. i cant wear yellow, makes me look dead. so having the bride wear yellow till the wedding day would make her look radiant! dont you think? and she looks so pretty masha'allah! and, not to mention, you're looking quite handsome luv!

The legal requirement part is that their be witnesses to the marriage, ie that it be socially known, but that could just be one or two people in attendance at the nikkah. At least in Morocco, the nikkah is often attended by the close and important male members of the family, as well as the bride, the groom and their respective fathers. My own was attended by my mahrem (who had to be a Christian man), my translator (a friend), and all the older adouls (5, 6 of them? ) who were observing the newbie perform the ceremony and were delighted with our marriage for some reason.

The walima or social celebration is an extension of that to a broader social statement of the marriage and witnessing. I understand that it is de rigueur so seems a requirement. Most Christians don't realize that when they walk down the Church aisle and say their “I do's” or “I will's” that they are not legally married by the church. They are only legally married when they have signed the government registry that the state has allowed the churches to administer. If you are already legally married, eg at a marriage court, or justice of the peace, or have a niqah from a Muslim country (no separation of mosque and state so the niqah is legalized by the state and the certificate issued), you can still go down the aisle and have a religious service, but during the time you should be in the back offices signing the registry you just sit around making jokes –as we did when I was maid of honour for a friend who married legally at a court in Germany, and then went to a dance/bar whatever with some friends; then found her mother insisted on the Church wedding, and wedding celebration when they got back to Canada.

For those of us who aren't familiar with the dholki as an instrument or pre-wedding party when we see the picture of that truly delightful little girl, we see not the instrument but the little girl, a little doll, a…OMG! child bride! LOL ! Good solution you had by changing the thumbnail!

I just read the whole post more thoroughly, and wanted to commend you on the excellent explanations and pictures. The captions are great as usual!

The staying awake until sunrise is familiar from Moroccan weddings. There is an immense competition among women about all aspects of their wedding, including how late it went. Dawn is early, but then it gets down to exact timings (maybe they should use those Olympic split seconds watches!). I once remarked that my SILs wedding (oh, yeah, the hub's brother was the groom, AKA the excuse for the dressup LOL ) had gone on until 5:30am and was immediately corrected by her (from far across the room) that it went until 7:30am. Hmmmm… possibly that was when the last car (ours) pulled out after all the guests had left, but… Better not to argue about such things, bridezillas can rise like phoenixes from the ashes of their wedding memories and videos. The videos are prized and everyone is convinced that they are copied, shopped around, and shown in Moroccan communities the world over so that the secrets of the wedding's success can be stolen–I mean copied.

I don't recall substances thrown or smeared on faces! There are expensive carpets put down on the grass outdoors for outdoor weddings and this I think surprises Westerners, not to mention is an unfamiliar surface for dancing in high heels, and the lovely clip on decorations on said footwear can be caught in rug edges and “go missing”. Rather interestingly to me, when that happened to me and I realized it later (NAKED black suede 3″ heels!) and began looking around for them, my family rushed over (thinking contact lens) and when they realized my problem took me to my FIL. Someone had found them and given them to him, and he was very proud that he had them to give back. He emphasized he had been holding on to them for safe keeping since know one knew whose they were. I think one has to understand how offended most Arabs/North Africans are by their image, especially in France, as “light fingered” to fully appreciate how happy he was to give me back my little clippy decorations. And of course after i had them in my hands, I got THE LOOK saying “put them in your purse, and I told you in Canada not even to pack them!”. LOL

[...] them up here I post them: The Dholki and the Mayoon The Mehendi The Shaadi The [...]

must… resist… to… gah! I cant!!! Thats what SHE said HAH! Sadly very few of the photos from Dholkis and Mayoons I have can be put up here since they're mostly of people at home, doing the family thing.

Technically my dear Souma, you would be a gori (The replacing of the 'a' with an 'i' to denote the female gender). I never did think about it in terms of yellow making the wearer more radiant, but it does sound about right! Perhaps the ubtan really doesnt do anything at all, its all in the yellows!

And I will pass on the compliments to the bride and me. Alright done! (Thank you!)

Okay, I realized, I DO know what the whole “that's what she said” silliness is all about. I just don't hang around people who use that phrase a whole lot. Alhumdulillah.

Lovely pictures. It seems you've pretty much mentioned a lot of what I said in my comment of your previous post.
As for the uptan throwing, I've been to one wedding where they were planning on doing that. It was segregated but the women (even though I had no idea who they were) were keen on covering my face with it and I very seriously warned them not to come close to me with that. I was wearing good clothes and I was not ready to take a chance on that. I'll be making sure no such event takes place in my wedding and if the guests request for it too much, I'll invite them to a day of paintballing! How fun would that be? InshaAllah!

great post! I loved it! The customs all seem soooooo fun!

Rasme-e-Paintball you mean

Thank god you dont have my uncles. You tell them that and theyll aim for your clothes ;P It washes right off though so its not something to really worry about. And to be honest, few ppl get anything but faces covered

Sounds scary. But at least you know your uncles. I didn't know these aunties at all. In fact, I didn't even know the bride. She was some very distant relative. In fact, when I went to a cousin's nikkah, I met so many relatives I had never seen/heard of before yet they came up to me asking if I recognized them. LOL. So yea, they were just looking to cover people and I guess it irked them that no one had smothered my face with it. Actually, at that girl's wedding, it was mainly haldi that they were using which is not so easy to get rid of so I think I narrowly escaped.

i have a gym t-shirt that reads “that's what she said” O_O

[...] of my series of posts on Pakistani weddings. Check out Courtship and Marriage in Pakistan and The Dholki and Mayoon for the first two [...]

[...] posts (for relevance, in case you missed them!) Courtship and Marriage in Pakistan The Dholki and the Mayoon The [...]

Thoughts of marriage r sooo beautiful,, i want my entrance in a dholi

Actually The tradition of mehndi comes from muslim background. It is traditional for muslims all over the world for the groom to give the bridal clothes and jewelry before the wedding, so the bride can use these to prepare for the wedding. This is a common occurance in for example Morocco and turkey. 

In hindu traditions the bride’s family pay for all of the cost for the bride and the groom. inclusing his clothing. In hindu marriages there is no actual mehndi day. see:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu_wedding  

I love dolaks!!!!

[...] the main ceremony, wedding celebrations often kick off with a dholki, where women often gather at the bride’s house to sing and dance. Men sometimes take part [...]